Death and dying aren’t something we’re generally comfortable talking about and for many years, it’s been something of a taboo. However, more recently, an increasing number of people wish to discuss their own deaths more openly and along with this funerals are changing too.
Fewer people are choosing a religious funeral service. Instead, they are more likely to choose a non-religious celebration of life or even an eco funeral as these options better reflect their personal beliefs and passions.
Some people are even choosing to attend their own funerals in a trend for “living funerals”, a service held before someone, usually terminally ill, actually passes away.
Living funerals are just one of the many alternative funerals you can choose. Also known as a pre-funeral, living wake, living tribute, friendship service, reminiscing party or send off, they tend to be held close to the end of a person’s life. However, in Japan and South Korea, it is commonly seen as a way of improving their lives. Those who participate in such ceremonies say that once you become conscious of death, you undertake a new approach to life.
Living funerals first started in Japan during the mid-nineties, where they are known as seizenso. The idea came from a feeling that elders were a burden to the younger generation not only because of their age but also with the stress of organising a classic funeral. Living funerals are still popular in Japan, but their popularity is spreading around the world including the United States and now in the UK.
A living funeral is a way to celebrate someone’s life while they’re still around. The event can vary considerably, depending on the wishes of the individuals. Living wakes are also a very similar concept.
There are a number of reasons why someone would choose a living funeral. It gives someone the chance to hear all those precious words people say about them one last time. It’s also an opportunity to tell your loved ones how you really feel about them. There are many other reasons, for example:
Over the last few years, celebrants and funeral directors have seen more people moving away from traditional religious ceremonies towards more unconventional events with funerals and memorial services conducted in woods, on beaches, in gardens and other more unconventional places.
After arranging a celebration for a family friend who received a terminal diagnosis, Georgia Martin realised she could help others and started her own business offering this new type of celebration.
“In a culture where death is still a tricky subject to discuss, I knew it wouldn’t be an easy concept to introduce in the UK. But having experienced the joy of Sheila’s ‘beautiful goodbye’ – both planning and hosting it – I was determined to give it my best shot.”
While it’s clear to see why those who are close to the end may want to celebrate their life surrounded by those they have shared it with, there’s also been an increase in people organising such ceremonies as a chance to come to terms with their own mortality and hear what others have to say.
David Williamson, the Spiritual Care Lead at St Leonards Hospice in York, is also planning on introducing living funerals later this year.
“I’ve always been amazed at the tributes that friends and relatives give to the person who’s died, and I often ask them, ‘Did you ever say that to the person when they were alive?’. Quite often they’ll say no, so I’ve always wondered if there is a better way that we can express what we think and feel about people when they are alive?”
Living funerals are a fairly new concept without any religious ties, meaning there’s no set structure to follow when organising one for yourself or a loved one. You can go with a similar formula to a traditional funeral by having flowers and a eulogy. Or, you could organise something totally unique, from an afternoon tea to a dance floor disco. A living funeral doesn’t have to be a morbid affair – in fact for many they are seen as a way to celebrate life.
If you like the idea of planning a living funeral there are many options, but if you’re struggling for ideas, let’s give you some inspiration.
1. Choose a special location: Holding your living funeral in a location that has special memories for you will make the event more memorable for everyone who takes part. Do you have a favourite restaurant, for example?
2. Pick upbeat funeral music: It might be a popular song by a well-known group or one of the more traditional best funeral songs.
3. Plan time for friends and family to talk: You’ll enjoy hearing other people's stories about the times you’ve enjoyed together.
4. Include readings and poems: Try to pick uplifting funeral readings as they will make this less of a solemn occasion.
5. Organise activities: There might be some fun games you’d like people to play. Depending on the venue, you could even organise a football or cricket match.
6, Prepare small presents: Prepare some small mementoes so people can remember the event and you. For example, give your guests flower seeds to take home with them.
7. Take one last journey together: Your living funeral doesn’t have to be at home.
8. Hold a charity fundraiser: Use your living funeral as an opportunity to raise money for a cause that’s important.
Not everyone wants to go out with fanfares and trumpets. Many people would prefer a more subdued and less expensive option without all the trappings of a traditional funeral. A direct cremation service is a cremation that doesn’t involve any ceremony and is an affordable and green option too.
With direct cremation, your body is cremated, usually without mourners present, allowing those left behind to mark the death as they choose.
If you want to pre plan your own funeral there are lots of options. Thinking ahead can help you make informed and thoughtful decisions about funeral arrangements. It allows you to choose the details you want, designate your preferences, and even pay for them in advance.
Find out more about our Pure Cremation funeral plans or request a free guide today.