As with a number of more traditional ceremonies, funerals are no longer beholden to a particular schedule, style or location. Today, remembering someone can be a much more personal experience, and a service or send-off can be as formal or informal, serious or celebratory, big or intimate as you like.
We also have a guide to holding a celebration of life, which contains even more useful information including even more ideas and examples to use as inspiration.
Here are five areas where you can make the service a little more individual to the person:
There’s no need to have a service at a church or crematorium. A village hall, favourite restaurant, or outdoors on the coast are all great options, as are a local pub or even just staying at home.
Examples include tandem bicycles, VW Camper vans, Victorian horse-drawn carriages or vintage cars. You don’t have to hire a limousine or even go by taxi – depending on the venue, perhaps you could walk there together or decorate someone’s car in a way that feels appropriate.
Guests might attend the send-off wearing fancy dress, bright coloured clothing, party wear or even the team shirts from a favourite football team – people who pass on their funeral wishes often ask those attending to not wear black and not make the occasion overly solemn and sad.
Funeral services can be unsettling for children, so letting them dress in their favourite outfit can really help them feel comfortable and more at ease.
Today, fewer people know or want to sing traditional hymns and some people don’t wish to sing at all – but that doesn’t mean there can’t be music. Perhaps playing songs by a favourite group or singer feels more appropriate, songs from a musical or TV show they loved or even some live music from a band or single musician.
Pure Cremation uses eco-friendly pine coffins or suitable alternatives, and there are biodegradable coffins available made from wicker, wool, bamboo and cardboard. People often ask for personal items to be included in the coffin as well.
Things to consider in advance – whether you’re thinking about your own send-off, or organising someone else’s:
Talking about death and funerals can still feel like a taboo in Britain. Whereas in many countries people are much more open, in Britain we can be more reserved when it comes to talking about our own mortality.
But the truth is, we are all going to need a funeral of some kind one day. So it’s really important to share with others what we want.
It’s very stressful having to make decisions for someone who’s died about whether, for instance, everyone should wear black or bright colours. But if we share our wishes, it becomes much easier for those we leave behind. Even if they’re reluctant to have ‘the conversation’ about what happens after we’ve died, when the time comes, knowing our wishes will take away a lot of the pressure and heartache from them.
For instance, one of Pure Cremation’s customers told us he put a codicil (a legal addition or amendment) in his Will so that when he dies, his children ‘take a couple of grand out of the estate and have a bloody good party.’What kind of funeral service would you like? Talk about how it could be formal or informal, solemn or celebratory, an intimate remembrance for just one or two people, or a larger gathering in an open space.
Whilst you might not have specific ideas, the overall tone you want is a great starting point, and an important thing to share with family.
If you are involved in arranging a send-off for someone, it’s important to not feel rushed. One of the many benefits of a Pure Cremation funeral is that the cremation is performed separately, without any funeral service.
That takes away the time pressure, because it means a service can take place weeks or months after the cremation. If there are people who want to attend, but live far away, this freedom will relieve much of the stress. It can also give you more time to choose and book the venue.
Flowers, floral arrangements and wreaths have featured at funerals for hundreds of years, to the point where many people ‘expect’ flowers to be at a funeral service.
But cut flowers can be very expensive, and are often left behind to be composted after a service. It’s sometimes possible to hire less expensive and more sustainable artificial displays, or you could buy plants that you can keep and grow after the send-off.
You can also buy dried flowers which last a long time, and which you might want to take home and put on display as a memento.
Instead of people bringing flowers to lay at a memorial, sometimes family ask mourners to make a donation as a way of making the remembrance more personal.
Many people have a cremation rather than a burial, which means the ashes can be scattered or remain in an urn. The urn can then kept at home, placed in a garden at a cemetery or a niche in a columbarium. It might be possible to add a memorial stone there.
For example, on the BBC programme ‘Inside the Undertakers’ presenter Stacey Dooley mentioned she liked the idea of her ashes being kept in an urn with her family, so she was always with them.
At Pure Cremation our urns are biodegradable, so families can bury them in their garden under a sapling or other plant, or other outdoor space, knowing that it is environmentally friendly.
Learn more about Pure Cremation, and the funerals plans we offer.