Mother's Day can be an especially painful time for those who have lost mothers, grandmothers, or maternal figures. While the world celebrates, many are left feeling the deep ache of absence, grappling with emotions that resurface whilst handling grief during this poignant time of year.
Avoiding the occasion is one strategy, but embracing it with intentional remembrance may offer deeper healing and connection. Grief does not adhere to a timetable; it often appears unexpectedly, and special occasions can intensify its presence. However, acknowledging your loss and creating space for reflection can be a meaningful way to navigate this time. Here are some ways to do that:
Facing the first Mother’s Day without Mum
The first Mother’s Day without your mum can be particularly painful. For those who have recently lost a loved one, the occasion can feel even more challenging. The reminders are everywhere, shops filled with cards and gifts, advertisements celebrating, and social media posts brimming with heartfelt tributes. So how can you navigate this period and, more importantly, find a way to honour your grief whilst coping with loss?
Let yourself feel what you feel
Grief brings a whirlwind of emotions. Some days you may feel sadness or anger. Give yourself permission to grieve without judgement, allowing yourself to experience the full range of emotions that may arise. Whatever you feel, know that all of these feelings are valid and natural parts of the grieving process. Suppressing emotions can make grief more difficult to process, so it is important to acknowledge and express them in ways that feel right for you.
Finding healthy outlets for your emotions can be incredibly healing. Journaling can provide a private space to explore your thoughts and feelings, helping you gain clarity and release pent-up emotions. Meditation or mindfulness practices can offer a sense of calm and grounding when emotions feel overwhelming. Talking with a trusted friend, family member, or support group can provide comfort, reassurance, and a sense of connection during this difficult time. However you choose to process your grief, remember that there is no timeline for healing, and it is okay to take things one step at a time.
Write a letter to her
Writing a letter to your mother can be a powerful way to express your gratitude, love, and any unresolved emotions you may be holding onto. This letter can be as structured or as free-flowing as you like, whether you want to share fond memories, thank her for the lessons she taught you, or even address feelings of sadness, regret, or unfinished conversations. Putting your emotions into words can help you process your grief and feel a continued sense of connection with her.
Consider keeping these letters in a special journal or memory book, where you can revisit them over time. Reading back on what you have written can offer insight into your healing journey, showing you how your emotions evolve and how your connection with her remains, even in her absence. Some people find comfort in writing letters on significant dates, such as Mother’s Day, birthdays, or anniversaries, as a way to honour their feelings and maintain a personal bond. However often you choose to write, allow yourself the space to be honest and open, knowing that this practice can be a meaningful step in your journey through grief.
Make a plan for the day
Take some time to decide in advance how you want to spend Mother’s Day, as having a plan can help you navigate the day with greater emotional ease. Unexpected reminders can be painful, so thinking ahead about how you want to approach the day can reduce anxiety and give you a sense of control.
Consider whether you would prefer to spend the day in quiet reflection, surrounded by supportive family and friends, or engaging in an activity that honours your mother’s memory. Some people find comfort in visiting a meaningful place, such as her favourite park or a memorial site, while others may choose to cook her favourite meal, listen to music that reminds them of her, or participate in a tradition she cherished. Whatever you decide, remember that there is no right or wrong way to spend the day. The most important thing is to prioritise what feels best for you and to give yourself the space to grieve, remember, and heal in a way that feels meaningful.
Start a new tradition
Finding ways to honour your mother’s memory can bring comfort and create a lasting sense of connection. Keeping her spirit alive through meaningful actions allows you to celebrate her life and to remember her whilst finding a sense of purpose in your grief.
Giving back in her memory
One way to do this is by giving back in her memory. Donating to a charity she supported can be a beautiful tribute, ensuring that the causes she cared about continue to make a difference. If she was passionate about a particular issue, such as education, animal welfare, or helping those in need, consider making a contribution in her name. Volunteering your time in a way that reflects her values can also be a powerful way to honour her legacy. Whether it’s spending time at a local shelter, mentoring someone, or supporting a community initiative, these acts of kindness allow you to carry forward the love and generosity she shared during her lifetime.
Even small, everyday gestures can be meaningful. Performing random acts of kindness, such as paying for someone’s coffee, writing a heartfelt note, or simply offering a listening ear to someone in need, can be a way to embody the compassion and warmth she brought into your life. Through these actions, her influence continues, and her memory remains a source of love and inspiration.
Planting something in her honour
Planting something in your mother’s honour can be a deeply symbolic and healing act. A tree, flowers, or a small memorial garden can serve as a living tribute to her lasting impact. Each time you see the plants grow and flourish, they can remind you of her presence and the love she shared. If she had a favourite flower or tree, choosing to plant it can make the gesture even more personal. Tending to this space over time can provide a sense of comfort and connection, offering a quiet place for reflection and remembrance.
Gather with loved ones
Hosting a memorial gathering or activity is another meaningful way to honour her memory. Inviting loved ones to come together for a storytelling session, a candle-lighting ceremony, or a meal featuring her favourite dishes can create a sense of shared remembrance and celebration. Taking the time to share stories, photographs, and cherished memories allows everyone to reflect on her life and the impact she had. Whether it’s a formal gathering or a simple, intimate moment with close family and friends, these shared experiences help keep her spirit alive and ensure that her love and legacy continue to be felt.
When Mother’s Day is complicated
Dealing with a difficult relationship and mixed emotions on Mother’s Day can be particularly challenging for those who did not have a loving or nurturing relationship with their mother. The day, often filled with celebrations of maternal bonds, may instead evoke feelings of conflict, resentment, sadness, or personal reflection on Mother’s Day. It’s important to acknowledge that these emotions are natural, and it’s okay to feel a range of things, even if they don’t align with what others may expect from this day.
Processing difficult emotions
Accept that feelings of anger, sadness, resentment, or even relief are completely valid and a natural part of your experience. Everyone’s relationship with their mother is unique, and your emotions reflect the complexity of that bond. It’s essential to give yourself permission to feel whatever comes up without judgement. Journaling can be an effective way to work through these emotions, allowing you to express your thoughts freely and gain clarity. Speaking with a therapist can also provide invaluable support in processing unresolved feelings, offering guidance as you navigate the complexities of your grief and emotions.
Finding forgiveness & closure
If your relationship with your mother was fraught with tension or unresolved issues, you may find yourself struggling with feelings of anger or regret. Exploring forgiveness, whether for your mother or for yourself, can be a healing part of the process. Forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning past behaviour, but it can help you let go of the emotional burden and find peace. Therapy or joining a support group can provide additional support in working through these emotions, allowing you to explore your feelings in a safe, non-judgmental space.
Alternative ways to spend the day
If the traditional celebrations of Mother’s Day feel too painful or triggering, consider alternative ways to spend the day that bring you peace and comfort. Engaging in activities that help you feel grounded and at ease, such as hiking in nature, reading, or practising self-care, can offer a sense of relief. It’s perfectly acceptable to treat the day like any other, focusing on self-care and taking care of your emotional needs. If you prefer, spend the day in solitude, allowing yourself the time and space to reflect without external pressures. The key is to choose an approach that nurtures your emotional well-being and helps you find a sense of balance and healing.
Offering support to a grieving loved one on Mother’s Day
Offering support to a grieving loved one or friend on Mother’s Day can be incredibly meaningful. The day can feel particularly isolating for those who are grieving, and small gestures of kindness and understanding can go a long way in showing that they are not alone. Your support can provide comfort and help ease the emotional burden they are carrying. How do you help someone grieving on Mother’s Day?
Reaching out with compassion
Sometimes, a simple text, phone call, or heartfelt message can make all the difference. Reaching out with words of empathy can remind your loved one that you are thinking of them and that they don’t have to face their grief alone. It doesn’t need to be a grand gesture, just letting them know you’re there for them can be a source of immense comfort. Acknowledging their pain and offering a listening ear can help them feel supported and less isolated.
Practical ways to help
There are many practical ways you can help a grieving loved one on Mother’s Day. Offering to spend time together can be a wonderful way to provide support, especially if they are feeling overwhelmed by the day’s emotions. You could suggest doing an activity they enjoy, whether it’s a leisurely walk, watching a movie together, or simply sitting in quiet companionship. Bringing a meal, running errands, or offering a distraction can help ease the logistical burden of the day, allowing them space to process their emotions. Your presence, even in small acts of kindness, can provide a sense of relief and comfort.
Encouraging community support
Grief can feel like a very solitary experience, but connecting with others who understand can be an essential part of the healing process. Suggesting grief support groups or online forums where they can meet others who are also grieving can offer a safe space for them to share their feelings. Knowing that others have experienced similar pain can help reduce feelings of isolation and offer valuable validation. It can also provide them with helpful tools for coping and healing.
Helping honour their loss together
If your loved one has a tradition or ritual they use to honour their loss, consider participating in that activity together. Lighting a candle in memory of their mother, visiting a special place that holds meaning for them, or doing something symbolic can be a way of sharing the weight of the day. It’s important to allow your loved one to guide these moments, as they may have their own way of commemorating their mother. Offering to support them in this personal act of remembrance can deepen your bond and help them feel seen and understood in their grief.
Finding long-term healing and support
Grief is a journey, and it evolves over time. Each Mother’s Day may feel different as you progress through your healing process, and that’s completely normal. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting, it means finding ways to carry their love forward, keeping their memory alive in a way that feels meaningful to you.
Understanding that grief changes over time
Grief isn’t static; it fluctuates with time. Some years may feel easier than others, and that’s okay. It’s important to acknowledge that your grief will evolve, and you will, too. There’s no timeline for healing, and it’s normal for your emotional experience to change as the years go on. Allow yourself the flexibility to adapt your traditions, or even the way you approach the day, based on what feels right for you. If a particular year feels especially hard, it’s okay to take a step back. Conversely, if you find yourself in a place of peace, embrace it and allow yourself to feel the comfort that comes with it. There is no right or wrong way to experience grief, it’s all part of your personal journey.
Seeking professional help when needed
Healing often involves reaching out for support. Therapy, bereavement groups, or grief-focused books can be valuable resources. Professional help can offer tools and coping mechanisms to help you navigate not only Mother’s Day but grief in general. A therapist or support group can help you process complex emotions, while grief-focused literature can provide comfort and guidance. It’s important to remember that seeking help is not a sign of weakness but a step toward healing. Whether it’s speaking to a professional or connecting with others who understand your pain, support can help you process your emotions more effectively.
Honouring their memory beyond Mother’s Day
Honouring your loved one’s memory shouldn’t be confined to Mother’s Day alone. Find ways to incorporate their legacy into your daily life. This can be as simple as cooking their favourite recipes, continuing a tradition they cherished, or sharing stories about them with younger generations to keep their spirit alive. Keeping their memory integrated into your routine can bring comfort and allow you to feel their presence in your life every day. It also helps to create lasting bonds with others as you share the memories, traditions, and lessons they left behind.
There is no single "right" way to handle Mother's Day grief. Whether you choose quiet reflection, active remembrance, or a combination of both, the most important thing is to be gentle with yourself. Grieving is a deeply personal experience, and it’s okay to feel however you feel. Allow yourself to navigate this day, and every day, at your own pace, honouring the love you have for your mother while recognising the importance of your own healing.
Your grief is a testament to love, and through remembrance, that love continues to shine.
