Flowers have played a part in funeral services for thousands of years. From the Raqefet Cave 14,000 years ago to the present day, the beauty of flowers and the thoughts behind them mean we use them at a funeral service for several reasons.
It can be very hard to put sympathetic feelings into words, but flowers can say so much and no words need to be spoken. The bereaved appreciate the message of flowers, expressing something that can be very hard to put into words and showing support.
Sending flowers for a funeral is a lovely way to remember and honour a beloved person who has died, but what happens to those flowers after a cremation?
Alternatives to sending flowers to a cremation
Flowers can be a beautiful tribute, but they tend not to last very long, which can be a painful reminder for the bereaved when it comes to throwing them away. It’s important to remember that, in some religions, flowers may not be appropriate at all.
Ask the bereaved family what they would prefer, or look out for guidance in a funeral notice or obituary. It is increasingly common to request mourners make donations to a good cause in lieu of flowers with phrases such as “family flowers only” or “in lieu of flowers”.
Guests might also choose not to send flowers because they are so expensive and not the most eco-friendly option. Traditionally, funeral etiquette might have called for flowers, but more and more people are choosing other options.
Alternatives to funeral flowers include:
- Donations to a charity or a cause the deceased person supported
- Putting together a book of memories for the deceased’s family
- Bench tribute or plaque
- A box of food or snacks for the wake
- Self-care gifts such as a gift certificate for a massage
When traditional flower donations aren’t the right fit for a lost loved one or their family, one of the suggestions above can be an alternative way to show you care.
Funeral flowers and religious beliefs
The faith of the deceased can make a difference as to whether or not flowers are appropriate. Here are some examples of funeral flower etiquette by religion:
- Roman Catholic: Flowers are often used to decorate the coffin and other tributes are placed on the grave or displayed at the crematorium.
- Anglican/Protestant: It is quite common for donations to charity to be preferred in lieu of flowers. However if sending a floral tribute this should go to the funeral home.
- Mormon: Mormon funerals generally take place by the graveside. Giving flowers is welcome, both before or after the service. If you send a flower arrangement, make sure it’s not in the shape of a cross or crucifix.
- Jewish: Jewish burials take place very quickly and flowers tend not to be a feature. Instead, donations to charity are encouraged. It’s also customary to take fruit, food baskets, and desserts to the family home during Shiva (the period of mourning).
- Muslim: Simplicity is one focus of the Islamic faith, so whether flowers are appropriate depends on the family’s wishes.
- Buddhist: A suitable gesture for a Buddhist funeral would be to send the family white flowers before and after the service. According to Buddhist tradition, red flowers or food would be inappropriate.
- Hindu: While flowers play and important part in Hindu funerals it has not been not customary to send flowers to the grieving family before or after the funeral. Mourners arrive empty-handed to the funeral itself but do check with the family.
What flowers do you get for a cremation?
The most appropriate funeral flowers are those you know the deceased would have loved. If you know their favourite colour, choose that colour for the flowers.
Funeral flowers come in a vast variety of colours, such as red, yellow, pink, and blue. But if you’re not sure which colour is their favourite, you can’t go wrong if you choose white.
The most traditional flowers for funerals are roses, lilies, chrysanthemums, and carnations, but it is more sustainable to go with a selection of the most seasonal blooms.
Close family and relatives, as well as guests, may order or prepare their own special floral tributes. They could be:
- Baskets
- Hearts
- Posies
- Tributes
- Wreaths
- Sprays and sheaves
It’s also appropriate to send a message with the funeral flowers. If you’re wondering what to write on funeral flowers, choose words that express your sympathy. It’s never easy to find the right wording, but often, a few well-chosen words are all that’s needed.
Are the funeral flowers cremated?
Funeral flowers are not normally cremated as part of the cremation process. Instead, families get to take the cremation flowers home if they like. If you don’t want to take them home, there are several choices that are appropriate:
- Leave the flowers at the crematorium
- Distribute them among family members
- Leave the flowers in the crematorium garden
These days hospitals and hospices do not receive funeral flowers, but you may find that a retirement home would welcome those floral tributes that are not obviously funereal.
How to re-use the flowers after a cremation
Fresh funeral flower arrangements don’t last long, so you might prefer to preserve some flowers. You can then repurpose them as more permanent memorial pieces. Here are a few ideas:
- Turn them into floral candles
- Dry the petals for DIY projects
- Give the flowers to friends, relatives, or co-workers and brighten their day
- Press the fresh flowers and use them for a memorial scrapbook
- Create a dried flower wreath
- Arrange a selection of blooms in a photo frame
- Turn a large arrangement into potpourri
- Make your own homemade flower petal paper
- Preserve a few in resin as coasters, paperweights or plaques
- Compost them and use the compost to plant a new tree in honour of the person who died
If you leave the flowers at a crematorium or cemetery the staff will separate the flowers from any plastic foam and frames, composting the natural material while disposing of or recycling the rest.
Ways to honour a loved one without flowers
So often, we think the best way to show our love and support at a funeral is to give them flowers. However, there are lots of other ways to honour a loved one. Let’s share some suggestions:
- Give your time or skills to a cause that’s close to their heart, and yours
- Make a tribute donation to a charity
- Create a living reminder such as a memorial garden
- Dedicate an event to their memory
- Share their stories and photos
- Light a candle that is their favourite colour or scent
- Make a scrapbook of their life
Furthermore, why not explore our suggestions on both classic and alternative memorial ideas?