Coping with the loss of someone close can be one of the most challenging experiences in life. Losing a spouse, parent, sibling, or friend can feel overwhelming, leaving you unsure of how to navigate the intense emotions that follow. Even when we expect death to be a natural part of life, grief can still be shocking, confusing, and deeply painful. It’s common to experience sadness that feels endless, periods of disbelief, or even moments of numbness.
Grief is often described as a journey, but it’s important to understand that this journey is rarely linear. You may feel like you’ve made progress, only to be pulled back into intense emotions unexpectedly. There are no clear steps or fixed timelines. Some days might feel manageable, while others may overwhelm you completely. This back-and-forth is a normal part of grieving.
Understanding grief
Grief is a natural response to loss. It can affect your emotions, thoughts, body, and behaviours. You might experience a range of emotions, often shifting rapidly and sometimes simultaneously. Shock, sadness, anger, guilt, relief, or even moments of happiness can all coexist, sometimes in the same hour. This unpredictability is part of the human response to losing someone we love.
Everyone grieves differently. How you cope will depend on factors such as your personality, past experiences, the closeness of your relationship with the person who has died, and your support network. While there are some common reactions, there’s no “right” or “wrong” way to grieve, and no specific schedule to follow.
Acknowledge your pain
It’s important to recognise and accept your grief. Denying or suppressing your emotions may feel like protection in the short term, but it can slow the healing process. Allow yourself to feel whatever arises, without judgment. Remember:
- Shock is natural: Initial disbelief or numbness is a coping mechanism to help you process overwhelming news.
- Anger and frustration are normal: You may feel angry at the situation, at the person who has died, at yourself, or even at others. These feelings are part of processing loss.
- Guilt is common: Thoughts of “if only” or wishing you could change the past are normal, even if they don’t make logical sense.
Grief is messy, unpredictable, and unique to each person. You may move through different emotions multiple times, in varying order, and at your own pace. Accepting this uncertainty can reduce feelings of frustration or guilt about how you are coping.
There is no set timeline
Unlike a linear process, grief often moves in waves. You might feel you’re coping well one day, only to be blindsided by a grief trigger the next. Anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, or even everyday moments can bring sudden reminders of your loss. These experiences do not mean you’ve failed at grieving; they are a normal part of the journey.
Some people find comfort in routine, while others prefer to give themselves permission to pause and grieve fully. Both approaches are valid. Your grieving process can stretch over months or years, and it may never feel entirely “complete.” Instead, many people find a way to carry their grief alongside life, finding moments of peace, joy, and meaning in memory of their loved one.
The five stages of grief
You may have heard of models such as the “five stages of grief.” These stages – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance – are often taught as a roadmap. However, it’s important to remember that:
- Not everyone experiences all stages: You might feel only some of these emotions, or none in the expected order.
- Movement isn’t linear: You may revisit earlier stages multiple times. One day, you may feel acceptance, the next, intense sadness or anger may resurface.
- Your experience is valid: How you move through grief is entirely personal, and comparing yourself to others is unnecessary.
These frameworks are helpful for understanding common reactions, but they are not a prescription for how grief should unfold.
Coping strategies for grief
While there’s no formula for managing grief, there are ways to support yourself and navigate this difficult time:
Face your grief
Allow yourself to feel your emotions fully. Grief is not about “getting over it” but learning to live with the loss. You might experience multiple emotions at once – sadness, relief, anger, or even happiness– and that’s normal. Recognising and accepting your feelings is a vital part of healing.
Talk about your grief
Expressing your emotions can lighten the burden. This could be with:
- A trusted friend or family member
- A support group
- A professional counsellor or therapist
Sharing memories, thoughts, and emotions helps you process your loss and can strengthen bonds with others who are grieving. It also models healthy emotional expression for children or younger family members.
Maintain routine
Keeping elements of your daily life can provide stability. Returning to activities you enjoy, or simply maintaining a normal schedule, can help you feel grounded. Routine doesn’t eliminate grief, but it can make the intensity more manageable.
Plan for grief triggers
Certain events or reminders can unexpectedly intensify grief. Examples include:
- Anniversaries, birthdays, or holidays
- Places you visited together
- Songs, movies, or scents associated with your loved one
Anticipating these triggers can help you prepare emotionally. You might:
- Set aside private time to remember your loved one
- Engage in familiar routines to anchor yourself
- Accept the emotional surge and allow yourself to grieve without judgment
Self-care during grief
Your body and mind are closely connected. Taking care of your physical health supports emotional coping:
- Sleep: Try to maintain a regular sleep schedule, even if grief disrupts it.
- Nutrition: Eating balanced meals gives your body the energy to manage stress.
- Exercise: Gentle movement, such as walking or yoga, can reduce tension and support mental health.
- Be good to yourself: Avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Self-care also extends to your family. Grieving together can foster mutual support, but remember that everyone experiences loss differently. Respect each person’s process while maintaining opportunities to share and connect.
Remembering your loved one
Finding ways to honour and celebrate your loved one can be a source of comfort:
- Memorial services or celebrations of life: These can be traditional or personalised to reflect the person’s passions and character.
- Home-based remembrance: Create a space with photographs, candles, or special objects.
- Everyday rituals: Cooking a favourite meal, going for a meaningful walk, or watching a favourite show can evoke memories and connection.
- Digital memorials: Online tributes allow friends and family to share stories, photos, and messages.
These acts don’t “end” grief but help integrate the memory of your loved one into everyday life.
When grief becomes overwhelming
For some, grief remains intense and persistent. It’s important to seek professional support if you:
- Feel unable to cope with daily life
- Experience prolonged or worsening depression or anxiety
- Struggle with work, parenting, or social relationships
Bereavement counselling or therapy can provide coping strategies, a safe space to express emotions, and long-term support. Many organisations and charities in the UK specialise in grief support, offering guidance both in person and online. If you want someone to talk to, you can start by having a conversation with your GP about getting therapy. They will often know of charities and support groups in your area.
Grief is not a straight line
The most important point to understand is that grief does not follow a straight path. You may feel you’ve reached “acceptance,” only to encounter waves of sorrow unexpectedly. Emotions can return at anniversaries, during everyday routines, or after seemingly unrelated triggers. This fluctuation is a normal and natural part of grieving.
Rather than expecting a linear progression, allow yourself flexibility. Honour your emotions, seek support, and recognise that grief can coexist with moments of joy, laughter, and even peace. Healing does not mean forgetting – it means learning to carry the loss while continuing to live fully.
Coping with the loss of a loved one is deeply personal. There are no clear timelines, no correct order of emotions, and no standard path. By acknowledging your feelings, seeking support, maintaining self-care, and finding meaningful ways to remember your loved one, you can navigate grief in a way that honours both your emotions and your loved one’s memory.
