If you ever find yourself arranging a funeral for a loved one, a eulogy plays an important role during the farewell event.
Writing a eulogy is a way to say goodbye and help everyone remember the life of the person who has died. While there are no rules you have to follow, it isn’t an easy task. This guide contains some helpful hints and tips that should make the process of writing a eulogy much easier.
What is a Eulogy?
Ancient Greeks were the first to write eulogies, and the tradition is still followed today. It is a common practice, but not all cultures and religions include a eulogy in their funeral proceedings.
A eulogy is often called a funeral tribute speech. It is an opportunity for people to recognise the special qualities, relationships and achievements of the person who has died. It is usually a speech about the person’s life and what they meant to you. You might be asked to deliver a eulogy during a funeral service, but it might also play a part in any celebration of life.
Being asked to write a eulogy should be considered an honour because it is one last gift you can give to the deceased and the loved ones they have left behind. It’s also a sign that you played an important part in that person’s life, or are trusted to deliver the family’s memories and tribute to a high standard.
Every eulogy is unique. What’s most important is that it comes from the heart.
A good eulogy highlights the lasting impact of a person on their family and community, how they made a difference to those around them.
Who should give a eulogy
The person chosen to give a eulogy can depend on the format and type of funeral service.
The emotional nature of the occasion means that often a professional (such as a minister or celebrant) is asked to write and deliver the memories and facts that they have gathered from family and friends.
However, family members can be involved if they wish in both the writing and delivery of this tribute. Children can give a eulogy at their parent’s funeral, or a spouse could give a eulogy at their partner’s funeral.
Alternatively, close relatives can write the content and ask a friend, or another family member to deliver their words.
How long should a eulogy be?
A eulogy for a funeral held at a crematorium must fit in with the service time available, which could be as little as 5-8 minutes long (allowing for pauses and emotion). A funeral eulogy of between 500 and 1000 written words should take no more than three and a half to seven and a half minutes to speak.
A celebration of life event held away from the crematorium gives more scope for the length, style and format of the eulogy, as well as providing a more relaxed setting and opportunity for more people to participate.
How to write a eulogy
There is no one size fits all approach to writing a eulogy because each person is unique.
The golden rule is to start by considering the most important elements fo the person’s life and how to communicate them.
Talking to family members and close friends about the deceased will identify matieral that they’d like you to include as well as a favourite story or anecdote they want you to share. You can use social media to invite colleagues and members of the wider community to share their memories too.
You’ll find plenty of inspiration via obituaries and online tributes, plus eulogy examples.
What to include in a eulogy
The most memorable eulogy speech will be one that paints a portrait of a complete life. To do justice to the life of the person who has passed away, it’s a good idea to include:
- highlights in the form of key events
- major accomplishments
- personal attributes
- special memories and moments
- significant relationships
How to start a eulogy
Start your eulogy by introducing yourself and explaining your relationship to the deceased. If you’re an immediate family member, thank guests for attending, particularly if they’ve travelled a great distance. If you’re not a family member, express your condolences.
You can then talk about the deceased and what it was that made them unique. If there is more to say than the time allows you might want to state that you are delivering a short summary and offer a full version that mourners can acces after the service.
How to end a eulogy
The end of a eulogy should be heartfelt, whether it’s sad, funny, or uplifting. The closing lines should also match the tone of the rest of the eulogy.
This type of speech is meant to provide a sense of comfort and closure for mourners, so adding an inspirational quote at the end can be very powerful.
Another powerful way to end the eulogy is to send mourners away with words of comfort that the deceased would say to them if they could. This might be a favourite motto, line of poetry or quote from a favourite movie hero.
Offer words of comfort and perhaps a final farewell in closing.
Tips for giving the eulogy
There’s no funeral etiquette involved when it comes to giving the eulogy. However, here are some tips to help you feel less nervous.
- Practice beforehand: Read your draft out loud and time it. Then, find someone to read it to as practice and ask for their feedback, particularly if you’ve included humour.
- Have a standby: You probably won’t need one, but it might make you feel more relaxed if you know there’s a backup if required. Ask a close friend or family member to read it for you if you’re too upset to read it.
- Make the eulogy informal: Read your eulogy as if you’re talking to friends, make eye contact, pause, and don’t be afraid to go slowly if you want to.
- Dress appropriately: Your clothes should be appropriate to the occasion, the audience, and the person who has died.
- Stand up when you give the eulogy: It means people will be able to see and hear you better.
- Speak slowly: It’s all too easy to speak quickly when you’re nervous. Instead, try to talk slowly, and you’ll give yourself time to think and choose your words.
- Don’t worry about being overcome with emotion: If you find yourself lost for words or overcome with emotion, take a few deep breaths and try to carry on.
- Break the eulogy into sections with visible headings. A printed version in large text will be easier to read that something handwritten (minimum 16pt text). Write the eulogy as if you are speaking to a friend, so that even if you read it word for word it sounds natural.
In today’s digital and visual age, bringing together treasured images, video and pre-recorded words in a visual presentation can be a very effective eulogy. This may be something that younger members of the family would enjoy being involved in and has the added benefit of recording the tribute in a less emotionally-charged setting, with the option to go over sections until each is perfect.
Best eulogy speeches ever given
The best eulogy is one that captures the essence of the person who has died, but it’s not an easy thing to do. To give you some inspiration, here are some of the best speeches of modern times.
- Eulogy for Princess Diana by Earl Spencer
- Eulogy for Steve Irwin by Bindi Irwin
- Eulogy for Steve Jobs by Mona Simpson
- Eulogy for The Rev. Mychal Judge by The Rev. Michael Duffy
- Eulogy for the Crew of the Space Shuttle Challenger by Ronald Reagan
- Eulogy for Rosa Parks for Oprah Winfrey
Other ways to pay tribute to a loved one
There are lots of ways you can pay tribute to a loved one and say goodbye. A memorial service, for example, is a ceremony for mourners to honour the life of the person who has passed away.
A scattering the ashes ceremony is another option. You might choose to scatter the ashes somewhere meaningful such as a favourite beauty spot of theirs. Then, organise an event where family and friends can come together to scatter the ashes and say a few words.
Other possible options include:
- Memorial verses in a newspaper.
- Lasting outdoor memorial ideas such as a memorial bench, a memorial tree, or a memorial garden.
- An online memorial is a way of collating photos, videos, and stories from friends and family in a secure online environment.